Apparently the pep talk that concluded last month's staff meeting, where everyone was urged to pull
their weight and up productivity, fell on deaf ears because each weekday at 2pm everyone in the
office can be found in the employees' lounge watching repeats of the previous night's episodes of
The Daily Show and Colbert Report. About the only thing the staff ever agrees on these days is that
those are the only programs worth watching when it comes to getting news about the presidential
race. They first started taking an interest in the political scene when they heard that Ron Paul was
running. He quickly became their candidate of choice due to their mistaken assumption that he
was the husband of seafood grande dame Mrs. Paul and, therefore, must be running on the
platform of "a fish stick in every pot." Oh well, at least their political fervor has served as a uniting
factor in an otherwise constant climate of in-office back-biting and catty remarks.
their weight and up productivity, fell on deaf ears because each weekday at 2pm everyone in the
office can be found in the employees' lounge watching repeats of the previous night's episodes of
The Daily Show and Colbert Report. About the only thing the staff ever agrees on these days is that
those are the only programs worth watching when it comes to getting news about the presidential
race. They first started taking an interest in the political scene when they heard that Ron Paul was
running. He quickly became their candidate of choice due to their mistaken assumption that he
was the husband of seafood grande dame Mrs. Paul and, therefore, must be running on the
platform of "a fish stick in every pot." Oh well, at least their political fervor has served as a uniting
factor in an otherwise constant climate of in-office back-biting and catty remarks.
Besides politics, the other hot topic around the water cooler/dish these days
has to do with the sudden re-appearance of V. P. & Chief Financial Officer
Boo's evil twin Gess...
Most of you probably don't know that Boo has five siblings, all brothers. But anyone living in the old
neighborhood where the six Hoo boys grew up will remember that Yoo, Boo's eldest brother,
became famous for hyphenating his name and going on to create a famous chocolate drink. The
second Hoo boy made a name for himself, as well, by serving as the inspiration for Dr. Seuss'
popular book about Horton and something he heard. And then, of course, there's middle son Yah.
With a name like Yah Hoo, everyone thought he would probably become nothing more than a
second-rate cowboy or country bumpkin. But Yah ended up proving everyone wrong when, after
deciding to shorten his first name and add an exclamation point after his last name, he went on to
make millions in the internet service business. If you're a satisfied Yahoo! customer, then know that
you have savvy entrepreneur Ya(h) to thank.
The next Hoo son Wah didn't become a captain of industry, nor did he serve as inspiration for a Dr.
Seuss book, but he was always popular with the females in the neighborhood. Whenever he would
introduce himself, many didn't realize he was just saying his name, Wah Hoo, and instead
mistakenly thought he was making a statement about how hot he thought they looked. But life
wasn't always a bed of roses. Wah's name also had a backlash effect at times. He endured more
than his share of kicks to the groin when trying to make the acquaintance of what would turn out to
be overly-militant feminists thinking he was regarding them as sexual objects.
Which brings us to the twins, Boo and Gessbert, the youngest of the clan. As a child, Gessbert
was actually fairly well-mannered, but friends and family made the unfortunate choice of
nicknaming him Gess, and he quickly got the reputation in school of being a trouble-maker.
Whenever teachers would ask him his name, they automatically thought he was saying "Guess
who" and trying to be a smart-ass. So he was constantly getting sent to the principal's office. Boo,
on the other hand, was always coddled because when he would tell the teachers his name, they
always thought he was crying, so they went out of their way to try and console him. Sensing the
injustice of the whole situation, Gess quickly decided he might as well start living up to his bad boy
reputation, and soon turned to a life of crime, selling catnip and other hallucinogenic substances to
minors on street corners.
But Boo suffered his own kind of inner torment. Because he was seen as a teacher's pet
(hmmm...) and cry-baby, he was constantly teased by his classmates and called "Moo." This led to
a life of binge eating and to the name "Moo" actually becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy after Boo
gained so much weight that he ended up looking like a cow. And now, to add to his worries,
no-goodnick Gess is suddenly back in town and hanging around the office, and no one is sure
what evil plans he may have up his sleeve. The timid and easily rattled Boo is especially concerned
by this development. Will the rest of All One's office staff finally come together around something
other than Ron Paul and the lure of fish sticks in every pot? Will they rally round and protect their
fellow worker,... or, and this is highly likely,space out on catnip and coffee and musings about
Stephen Colbert's quirky right ear? If Boo had one of Colbert's famous orange "Wrist Strong"
bracelets would that be enough to ward off any ill will Gess might be planning on sending his
way??? Who the heck knows...
has to do with the sudden re-appearance of V. P. & Chief Financial Officer
Boo's evil twin Gess...
Most of you probably don't know that Boo has five siblings, all brothers. But anyone living in the old
neighborhood where the six Hoo boys grew up will remember that Yoo, Boo's eldest brother,
became famous for hyphenating his name and going on to create a famous chocolate drink. The
second Hoo boy made a name for himself, as well, by serving as the inspiration for Dr. Seuss'
popular book about Horton and something he heard. And then, of course, there's middle son Yah.
With a name like Yah Hoo, everyone thought he would probably become nothing more than a
second-rate cowboy or country bumpkin. But Yah ended up proving everyone wrong when, after
deciding to shorten his first name and add an exclamation point after his last name, he went on to
make millions in the internet service business. If you're a satisfied Yahoo! customer, then know that
you have savvy entrepreneur Ya(h) to thank.
The next Hoo son Wah didn't become a captain of industry, nor did he serve as inspiration for a Dr.
Seuss book, but he was always popular with the females in the neighborhood. Whenever he would
introduce himself, many didn't realize he was just saying his name, Wah Hoo, and instead
mistakenly thought he was making a statement about how hot he thought they looked. But life
wasn't always a bed of roses. Wah's name also had a backlash effect at times. He endured more
than his share of kicks to the groin when trying to make the acquaintance of what would turn out to
be overly-militant feminists thinking he was regarding them as sexual objects.
Which brings us to the twins, Boo and Gessbert, the youngest of the clan. As a child, Gessbert
was actually fairly well-mannered, but friends and family made the unfortunate choice of
nicknaming him Gess, and he quickly got the reputation in school of being a trouble-maker.
Whenever teachers would ask him his name, they automatically thought he was saying "Guess
who" and trying to be a smart-ass. So he was constantly getting sent to the principal's office. Boo,
on the other hand, was always coddled because when he would tell the teachers his name, they
always thought he was crying, so they went out of their way to try and console him. Sensing the
injustice of the whole situation, Gess quickly decided he might as well start living up to his bad boy
reputation, and soon turned to a life of crime, selling catnip and other hallucinogenic substances to
minors on street corners.
But Boo suffered his own kind of inner torment. Because he was seen as a teacher's pet
(hmmm...) and cry-baby, he was constantly teased by his classmates and called "Moo." This led to
a life of binge eating and to the name "Moo" actually becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy after Boo
gained so much weight that he ended up looking like a cow. And now, to add to his worries,
no-goodnick Gess is suddenly back in town and hanging around the office, and no one is sure
what evil plans he may have up his sleeve. The timid and easily rattled Boo is especially concerned
by this development. Will the rest of All One's office staff finally come together around something
other than Ron Paul and the lure of fish sticks in every pot? Will they rally round and protect their
fellow worker,... or, and this is highly likely,space out on catnip and coffee and musings about
Stephen Colbert's quirky right ear? If Boo had one of Colbert's famous orange "Wrist Strong"
bracelets would that be enough to ward off any ill will Gess might be planning on sending his
way??? Who the heck knows...
| MICKEY PRESIDENT & CEO |
| BOO V. P. & CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER |
| KARMA HEAD OF CUSTOMER SERVICE |
| GESSBERT (aka Gess) HOO Boo's evil twin who's recently returned to the area. But what no-good scheme does he have up his sleeve? And does his presence spell trouble for All One's shy and retiring V. P. ?! |
| YAH HOO Boo's enterprising older brother now lives a life of opulence and ease after making his fortune on the internet. |
| AROUND THE WATER COOLER/BOWL.... Feb. '08...a further update on All One's office staff... |
| LITTLE BOY HEAD OF SALES & MARK(ET)ING |
| HUNKY ORDER PROCESSING & FULFILLMENT |
Back to "About Us" Jan. edition Staff News March edition Staff News
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| "May you be blessed with all things good." |